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It took me many years and many hundreds of dollars in psycotherapy to get the fact that I stay fat because of several core beliefs of mine. Some of those beliefs will probably seem stupid or silly to many people, but they are very real. Many of you will probably identfy with them, even if they are distasteful. - Going on a diet is punishment
- Being thin means NEVER eating anything good ever again
- Being thin will make you stand out and call unwanted attention to yourself
#3 is especially scary for me. I have my own reasons, but as soon as I start on a diet, even if I'm 285 and am down to 270 men start looking at me, and that is uncomfortable for me. |
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Last Year I saw an Oprah show where she said, "no more I'll start on Monday, if you're focused on improving your health, you start RIGHT NOW". Sadly, I am still one of those "start on Monday" people. I like to plan my diet strategy and start "perfectly", but there is a side effect to that, if I don't follow the diet TO THE LETTER, I have "failed" meaning, all you can eat day for the rest of the week. This means every diet ends in gaining more than losing. |
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I had this great plan to start today, a slower, not so intense program, where I could take it easy and lose weight slowly, the right way, you know. What happened? I don't know.... really? My heart wasn't in it at all, I bought the food - that is always fun - but that inner desire, it's not there. YOu might ask, when is it ever? specially at the beginning of a new eating program /regime. |
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Wow! I made it, one entire week, a perfect week!. There are a few things that were not so perfect, though. But it was a great week, nonetheless. I ate exactly (if not less) what was prescribed, and I lost 7 pounds. I imagine a bit of that was due to water loss, but, Thank You Lord!
Corrections for this next week. Friday, use fresh peach instead of canned. What else? try to have only 1 diet soda a day. That will be harder. I did miss Sunday's exercises, and due to that this morning I did not want to do my exercise, which is scary to me. Almost like wanting to drop the entire thing.
Yesterday, my aunt ask me to lunch. At the time I said no, but then I thought... "maybe..." but then another tought! Hey I did not sacrifice myself and work so hard this week to spoil this with a lousy lunch. So I fixed myself some food and to my surprise it was WONDERFUL.
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I've been going to belly dance class since december 6th 2006. That has changed my life a bit, and now I am ready to try this once more. I should be honest and say that my goal is not a number right now, but a deadline: August 7th, 2007. My 36th birthday.
I've always loved deadlines, working toward a certain date or ocassion. It motivates me. Once again, all the nagging fears are screaming loudly into my mind. Will I succed? even for a day? 3 days? more than that? I have not been able to do that for a LONG TIME.
If it has been a long time since the last time I seriously dieted, then I usually buy a new scale. That is always a headache because yon new scale tells a different story. Thankfully I weighed myself on my old scale as well today and I was 268, like I have been for the past two months.
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